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Pug Mask

$28.99 on Amazon

We all know one: the inescapable pug-lover. Our Facebook feeds are crowded with photos of their precious little babies. Do they have several different pugs, or is it just the one dog in every picture? Can one dog alone wear that many ballerina costumes? With matching tiaras? Does the number of pugs in any given home fluctuate in accordance with some ancient rite of the toy sized dog gods? Those of us unaffected by the love for these pugnacious little beasts might never know.

So maybe this is the exact perfect gift for the pug-lover in your social circle. Is there a better friend than you, the one person willing to help them transition to Full Pug? This masks comes fully styled with floppy pug ears and soft pug fur and and a perfectly rendered scrunched up pug nose.

Unbelievably, the mouth even moves when the wearer barks-- um, speaks.

Can you imagine the joy you could bring to this sad world by gifting your pug-obsessed friend with such a magnificent and life-like visage of their chosen canine companions? Picture the smiles, the laughter, the tears in their eyes as it slowly dawns on them what they now hold in their hands. Only a moment before they could only dream what was in that stylishly wrapped box you handed them, but, oh, they could never have dreamed of this. You have done it, good internet shopper, you. You have won at gift-giving. Ride high and be proud.

Or perhaps this is the perfect gift for you, the downtrodden friend upon whom all manner of pug related miscellanea has been foisted. Last week, you went to their house and ate pug cupcakes. The week before? Pug pancakes. They called them pugcakes and you threw up in your mouth a little. Bottom line: it is time for some sweet revenge.

You see this mask and immediately know it's worth it: you can now perfectly exemplify the reasons no one should have everything in their life be pug-themed. You'll lie in wait, by their car or in their kitchen with the pugcakes or maybe even at their workplace. And then they'll see you, the fully realized and terrifying hybrid of humanity and the pug that they hold so dear. You're sure of it, in that moment it will be clear to them: Cool it with the pug stuff, man.

Or maybe, just maybe, it's you. You have found your way to this little corner of the internet, driven by some impulse the rest of us will never understand. You love pugs. You thought the pug cupcakes sounded cute, and wonder if there's a way to make them safe for dogs to enjoy.

Well then.

If it is you, inscrutable but omnipresent lover-of-pugs, this is certainly your lucky day. Maybe innocently enough, you want to be a pug for Halloween or other costume party. But, more likely, you want to know what your pug will do if you sneak up on him while wearing this. Thanks to the mesh eyes, you'll be able to see clearly as you inch toward him. The mask is comfortable and durable, so if he launches at you in a frenzied, terrified attack, you and the mask should live to pug another day.

If you do surprise your pug with his own giant lookalike, please make sure to get that on camera. We all want to see.