Zombie Bookends

Zombie Bookends
$39.99 on Amazon
Have you been planning for years for the zombie apocalypse? Do you know exactly where you would go, what weapons you would choose, and who you would let come with you? Have you watched every zombie show or movie that's hit the screen in the last several years? If so, these zombie bookends might just be the perfect product for you.

You've always wanted to display your love of zombies around your home. There's something delightfully creepy about seeing a zombie leering at you from your bookshelf, and these zombie bookends are out to bring that thrill to your living room, bedroom, or, frankly, anywhere else you would care to store your books. They're made of high-quality materials, so once you have them in hand, your zombie bookends will be there to add a little creepy decor to your room of choice for a long time to come.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: I want to pick up the zombie bookends, but I'm a little bit worried. They aren't going to infect me with a zombie virus, are they?

A: Not to worry. These zombie bookends are designed with safety in mind. There is no possible way that the zombies can break loose from the bookends and cause an infection throughout your home.

Q: I noticed that the zombies are able to move a little bit within the bookends. Is this safe?

A: The zombie part of the bookend definitely shouldn't be used as a handle, as it might break loose over time. However, in general, the zombie bookends are very safe. Should your zombie break loose from the bookend, it's recommended that you take the following steps: first, place it in a box. Then, dig a deep hole. Place the box in the hole, sprinkle it with holy water, and fill it back up with dirt. This should be sufficient to contain anything that might attempt to escape from the box.

Q: My zombie bookends are looking hungry. I don't have to feed them, do I?

A: Absolutely not! In fact, it is highly recommended that you not feed your zombie bookends anything. Ever. Actually, you should probably keep your zombie bookends away from your pets.

Q: I was being clumsy and managed to get a paper cut right next to the zombie bookends, and I think I might have bled on one of them. What should I do?

A: It wasn't the zombie bookend that bit you, was it? No? No, that's just silly. Zombie bookends can't bite you. You're right. It was probably just a paper cut. However, for safety's sake, carefully clean the wound and bandage it, then remove the blood from the zombie bookend. You'll want to monitor the wound carefully for the next few days. If it looks as though it's become infected, or you have a sudden craving for human flesh, it's best to isolate yourself from your friends and loved ones. Hopefully, it will pass quickly. If it doesn't...well, you had lovely bookends. Perhaps one of your friends will enjoy them now?

Q: The manufacturers aren't affiliated with actual zombies, are they? These are just bookends?

A: The manufacturers of zombie bookends are in no way affiliated with actual zombies, nor are they involved in any attempt to bring about the zombie apocalypse.